


Voltron more like #RELATABLE

by lovedbyshadows, PotatoGhostHaley



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Online Dating, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Cuban Lance (Voltron), F/M, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Fluff and Crack, Gay Keith (Voltron), Hawaiian Hunk (Voltron), Hunk & Lance (Voltron) Friendship, Hunk & Pidge | Katie Holt Friendship, Hunk (Voltron) is so Pure, Keith & Pidge | Katie Holt Friendship, Keith and Shiro are Adoptive Siblings, Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt Friendship, M/M, Online Friendship, Protective Shiro (Voltron), Sassy Pidge | Katie Holt, Socially Awkward Keith (Voltron), Texan Keith (Voltron), Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2018-12-12 08:20:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11733228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovedbyshadows/pseuds/lovedbyshadows, https://archiveofourown.org/users/PotatoGhostHaley/pseuds/PotatoGhostHaley
Summary: Group chat AU. We are sorry.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> shakiraismommy-Lance  
> gAyRaBiTcH-Keith  
> SpaceDad-Shiro  
> PrincessofAltea-Allura  
> StrongMoustacheGame-Coran  
> iammommy-Pidge  
> iamSun-Hunk

**_Monday, July 24, 2017_ **

 

shakiraismommy:  _(image.jpg)_

shakiraismommy: here she is lol my new cat blue

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Fucking slaying, but who are you?

 

shakiraismommy: wHo ArE yOu???

shakiraismommy: srsly pidge??? one of ur best friends??? lancey lance??? and why that username???

 

gAyRaBiTcH: "Lancey Lance?"

gAyRaBiTcH: And fuck you, that's why.

 

shakiraismommy: the nickname u, pidge, gave me???

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I'm not this "Pidge" person. You've got the wrong snap.

gAyRaBiTcH: Bye.

 

shakiraismommy: wAIT ONE SEC

shakiraismommy: this could be the start of something new

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Don't.

 

shakiraismommy: feels so right to be here with u

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I've known you for less than a minute and I already regret this.

 

shakiraismommy: 1st of all

shakiraismommy: ur being ridiculous

shakiraismommy: 2nd of all

shakiraismommy: okay i don't need ur friendship

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Great, bye.

 

shakiraismommy: bUT I DO WANT IT

shakiraismommy: DON'T YA WANT ME, BABY

shakiraismommy: DON'T YA WANT ME OOOOO~

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Why?

 

shakiraismommy: i am an outstanding citizen that's why

 

gAyRaBiTcH: That doesn't make sense, but okay.

 

shakiraismommy: i feel

shakiraismommy: #RELATABLE but not really

shakiraismommy: it's more like #RELATANOT

shakiraismommy: ooo that was bad

shakiraismommy: not my best joke

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Leave me alone.

 

shakiraismommy: now that's just r00d

shakiraismommy: who raised u??? heathens???

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Actually, I'm an orphan. Thanks for reminding me of my tragic past.

 

shakiraismommy: aAAAAAAAAHHHHHH SHIT

shakiraismommy: I AM SO SORRYYYYYY

shakiraismommy: I DIND'T MEAN TO

 

gAyRaBiTcH: It's chill.

gAyRaBiTcH: You didn't know.

 

shakiraismommy: still

shakiraismommy: i'm sorry

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I wasn't actually offended.

 

shakiraismommy: okay

shakiraismommy: that's good

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Well, this is painfully awkward.

 

shakiraismommy: i agree

shakiraismommy: u know if u really didn't want to talk to me u would just ignore these messages

 

gAyRaBiTcH: ....

gAyRaBiTcH: Touche.

 

shakiraismommy: am i sensing......

shakiraismommy: ..... a budding friendship?

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Idk

gAyRaBiTcH: Are you?

 

shakiraismommy: ur letting me decide? i'm honored

shakiraismommy: yes

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Bitch, you should be.

gAyRaBiTcH: Really?

 

shakiraismommy: ur mocking me

 

gAyRaBiTcH: No, why would I do that?

 

shakiraismommy: stfu

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I thought you wanted to talk? :(

gAyRaBiTcH: Don't wanna be friends anymore? Okay, guess I'll just have to deal with that loss.

 

shakiraismommy: the only thing ur hurting here is my feelings

shakiraismommy: send me to the burn unit i may never recover from this sick burn that u have just bestowed upon my weary shoulders

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I got boulders on my shoulders collar bones begin to crack there is very little left of me and it's never coming back.

 

shakiraismommy: tfb??? _*_ that's so emo

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Fuck you, don't judge me.

 

shakiraismommy: no judgement here

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I feel like you're lying to me, but I don't care.

 

shakiraismommy: hips don't lie

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Did you just...

gAyRaBiTcH: ....reference your username at me?

 

shakiraismommy: and i'm starting to feel it's right all the attraction the tension don't you see baby this is perfection

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Trash.

gAyRaBiTcH: Stop this madness.

 

shakiraismommy: ugh

shakiraismommy: u don't know what REAL music is

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I see what you're implying and, quite frankly, I'm offended.

 

shakiraismommy: good

shakiraismommy: that was my intent

 

gAyRaBiTcH: You're an ass.

 

shakiraismommy: i've GOT a GREAT ass but an ass i am not

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Pics or it's not real.

 

shakiraismommy: GASP

shakiraismommy: we've know each other barely an hour

shakiraismommy: and here u r asking for a pic of my ass???

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I will neither deny nor confirm that.

 

shakiraismommy: i mean

shakiraismommy: take me to dinner first damn

shakiraismommy: u thorsty boi

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Lol

 

shakiraismommy: u can laugh???

shakiraismommy: show emotion other than the emotion that is emo???

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I've been laughing at you this whole time.

gAyRaBiTcH: Haha! You think you're funny.

 

shakiraismommy: bitch

shakiraismommy: i am a delight

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Keep deluding yourself.

 

shakiraismommy: keep being a thorsty boi and see where that gets u in life

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Not in you're pants, apparently.

 

shakiraismommy: damn straight

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I'm not.

gAyRaBiTcH: Straight, that is.

 

shakiraismommy: ik that

shakiraismommy: because despite popular belief i can read

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Again, fuck you.

 

shakiraismommy: apparently u want to

 

gAyRaBiTcH: No, I want to fuck Ryan Reynolds.

 

shakiraismommy: honestly same

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I call dibs.

 

shakiraismommy: damnit

shakiraismommy: my hopes they've been dashed

shakiraismommy: what a shame

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Cry me a river, bitch.

 

shakiraismommy: Justin Timberlake??? reference??? from u???

shakiraismommy: wait

shakiraismommy: idk ur name

 

gAyRaBiTcH: So?

 

shakiraismommy: u know my name??? that's not fair???

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Are you asking or telling me?

 

shakiraismommy: telling you

shakiraismommy: god

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I prefer Keith to god, but okay.

 

shakiraismommy: keith???

shakiraismommy: i FEEL SO ACCOMPLISHED

 

gAyRaBiTcH: You really shouldn't.

 

shakiraismommy: fuck u let me live my dreams

 

gAyRaBiTcH: To know my name...?

 

shakiraismommy: to be friends!!!!1!!

shakiraismommy: we're on a first name basis keithy boi!!!11!!!111!1

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Are you doing those ones on purpose or...?

 

shakiraismommy: does it really matter?

 

gAyRaBiTcH: So, not on purpose.

 

shakiraismommy: i'm bad at life

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I relate.

gAyRaBiTcH: Shit, my brother's calling me.

gAyRaBiTcH: Igtg I'll ttyl.

 

shakiraismommy: ah! so there'll be a "later?"

shakiraismommy: okay keithy boi ;))))) ttyl

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shakiraismommy-Lance  
> gAyRaBiTcH-Keith  
> SpaceDad-Shiro  
> PrincessofAltea-Allura  
> StrongMoustacheGame-Coran  
> iammommy-Pidge  
> iamSun-Hunk

**_Tuesday, July 25, 2017_**  
  
   
  
shakiraismommy: hunk  
  
shakiraismommy: huNK  
  
shakiraismommy: HUNK PLS THIS IS SERIOUS  
  
shakiraismommy: I HAVE NEWS THAT WILL SHOCK U TO UR V CORE  
  
   
  
iamSun: Yes?

  
  
shakiraismommy: I HAVE MADE A NEW FRIEND!!!!!!!1!!+!!  
  
shakiraismommy: HIS NAME IS KEITH!!!  
  
   
  
iamSun: You're right  
  
iamSun: That IS shocking  
  
   
  
shakiraismommy: this is a no bully zone  
  
   
  
iamSun: Sorry but you walked into that one :)  
  
iamSun: All joking aside are you sure they're safe?  
  
   
  
shakiraismommy: yes ofc   
  
shakiraismommy: keith is too lame  
  
shakiraismommy: and hes a thot  
  
   
  
iamSun: And that makes it safe how?  
  
   
  
shakiraismommy: trust me   
  
   
  
iamSun: Okay   
  
iamSun: Just be careful please?  
  
   
  
shakiraismommy: anything for u  
  
shakiraismommy: but now i must go  
  
shakiraismommy: i have words for our fav gremlin  
  
shakiraismommy: ttyl ♡  
  
   
  
iamSun: Okay ttyl ♡  
  
   
  
**_Tuesday, July 25, 2017_**  
  
   
  
shakiraismommy: pidge  
  
shakiraismommy: pidgeot  
  
shakiraismommy: pigeoto  
  
shakiraismommy: gremlin  
  
shakiraismommy: POCKET SIZED SATAN  
  
   
  
iammommy: what do you want  
  
iammommy: im busy  
  
   
  
shakiraismommy: no ur not stop lying   
  
shakiraismommy: why did u give me the wrong snap?  
  
   
  
iammommy: because i have no life  
  
iammommy: i need entertainment  
  
   
  
shakiraismommy: i'm ur entertainment???  
  
shakiraismommy: y u no love me?  
  
   
  
iammommy: damn lance!  
  
iammommy: back at it again with the bad memes!  
  
   
  
shakiraismommy: u didn't   
  
shakiraismommy: u did  
  
shakiraismommy: i'm so proud   
  
   
  
iammommy: and im ashamed  
  
   
  
shakiraismommy: u did well my child  
  
shakiraismommy: but srsly why?  
  
   
  
iammommy: ew stop it  
  
iammommy: i was bored  
  
iammommy: i looked at the people im mutual friends with snaps and theirs was the funniest  
  
iammommy: you know that game i like? voltron? its a pun its why i added them   
  
   
  
shakiraismommy: all the pride i felt just died a quiet death  
  
shakiraismommy: i'm almost impressed  
  
   
  
iammommy: lol did i pick well?  
  
   
  
shakiraismommy: yes we're friends now  
  
shakiraismommy: i mean hes a sassy bitch but i am too  
  
shakiraismommy: its chill   
  
   
  
iammommy: name?  
  
   
  
shakiraismommy: fb stalking?  
  
shakiraismommy: i only have his first name   
  
   
  
iammommy: yes  
  
iammommy: get his last name, tailor  
  
   
  
shakiraismommy: yes pidgeot i'll try my best  
  
shakiraismommy: i'll get started right away ttyl   
  
   
  
iammommy: lol ttyl  
  
   
  
**_Tuesday, July 25, 2017_**  
  
   
  
shakiraismommy: hey its me ya boi lance  
  
   
  
gAyRaBiTcH: Ew.  
  
   
  
shakiraismommy: r00d  
  
   
  
gAyRaBiTcH: I would say I'm sorry, but that would be lying.  
  
   
  
shakiraismommy: why are u so mean to me?  
  
shakiraismommy: i thought we were friends keef  
  
   
  
gAyRaBiTcH: Maybe if you improved your grammar I would be nice.  
  
gAyRaBiTcH: No, just no.  
  
   
  
shakiraismommy: ur no fun and that's never happening   
  
shakiraismommy: so i found out why i got ur snap instead of pidges  
  
   
  
gAyRaBiTcH: Worth a shot. Why?  
  
   
  
shakiraismommy: they were bored and wanted to fuck with me  
  
shakiraismommy: little did they noe this is the start of a bootyful friendship  
  
  
gAyRaBiTcH: They just found my snap and decided I was the one?  
  
gAyRaBiTcH: I'm touched.  
  
gAyRaBiTcH: Is it really?  
  
   
  
shakiraismommy: bitch it'd better be  
  
shakiraismommy: i've wasted moments of my life i'll never get back on this friendship   
  
  
gAyRaBiTcH: That sounds like a you problem.  
  
   
  
shakiraismommy: why? :'(  
  
   
  
gAyRaBiTcH: Using emoticons now?  
  
   
  
shakiraismommy: i must  
  
shakiraismommy: how will i express myself over text without them?  
  
   
  
gAyRaBiTcH: Context.  
  
   
  
shakiraismommy: get that school shit outta here

shakiraismommy: trIGGERED

 

gAyRaBiTcH: For once, same.

 

shakiraismommy: GASP

shakiraismommy: the majesty of life 

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I hate it. 

 

shakiraismommy: so emo

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I'm not emo.

 

shakiraismommy: lol

shakiraismommy: pls i bet u blast mcr every night 

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I'm offended.

 

shakiraismommy: ik it

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Whatever you're doing needs to stop.

 

shakiraismommy: u really are an edgy boi

shakiraismommy: keithy boy

shakiraismommy: emo keef

 

gAyRaBiTcH: This is bullying.

gAyRaBiTcH: I came here expecting a bad time and honestly I'm not dissapointed. 

gAyRaBiTcH: It's a new feeling.

 

shakiraismommy: caN U FEEL THE EMO TONIGHT??

 

gAyRaBiTcH: CRAWLING IN MY SKIN

gAyRaBiTcH: THESE WOUNDS THEY WILL NOT HEAL

 

shakiraismommy: fEAR IS HOW I FALL CONFUSING WHAT IS REAL

shakiraismommy: yes keef 

shakiraismommy: meme with me

 

gAyRaBiTcH: "Join the dank side," he said.

gAyRaBiTcH: "It'll be lit," he said.

gAyRaBiTcH: Lies.

 

shakiraismommy: u both disappoint me and delight me

 

gAyRaBiTcH: The delight part is new.

 

shakiraismommy: get used to it

shakiraismommy: thot

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Lol you're such an ass.

 

shakiraismommy: lol ur so edgy 

shakiraismommy: and a thot

shakiraismommy: ur milkshake brings all the boys to the yard 

 

gAyRaBiTcH: It brought you. 

 

shakiraismommy: true dat

shakiraismommy: how old are u?

shakiraismommy: are u a creepy old man???

 

gAyRaBiTcH: No, I'm 18.

gAyRaBiTcH: "A young adult," as my brother says.

gAyRaBiTcH: I'm not ready to adult.

 

shakiraismommy: same tbh

shakiraismommy: i'm 17

 

gAyRaBiTcH: You don't understand.

gAyRaBiTcH: I tried to make noodles yesterday and they caught on fire.

 

shakiraismommy: how???

 

gAyRaBiTcH: That was my first thought until I noticed there wasn't any water in the pot.

 

shakiraismommy: ur a monster 

 

gAyRaBiTcH: More like forgetful. 

gAyRaBiTcH: And he bought me a cat yesterday.

gAyRaBiTcH:  _(image.jpg)_

gAyRaBiTcH: Look at this cute baby whose life is in my hands.

 

shakiraismommy: what's her name?

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Red because I'm lame.

 

shakiraismommy: normally i would agree but i named my cat blue 

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Lol igtg I'll ttyl

 

shakiraismommy: still a "later" huh?

shakiraismommy: i haven't chased u off yet?

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Like you could.

 

shakiraismommy: lol jk

shakiraismommy: ttyl keef 


	3. Chapter 3

**_Tuesday, July 25, 2017_ **

 

shakiraismommy: so i forgot to ask last time

shakiraismommy: what's ur last name?

 

gAyRABiTcH: Why?

 

shakiraismommy: pidge wants to know

 

gAyRABiTcH: Oh, that explains everything!

 

shakiraismommy: ikr so what's ur last name?

 

gAyRABiTcH: I'm not telling you.

gAyRABiTcH: No offense, but you could be a predator for all I know.

 

shakiraismommy: um okay

shakiraismommy: offense taken but i really need to noe ur last name

 

gAyRABiTcH: Why?

 

shakiraismommy: pidge wants to do a fb bg check

shakiraismommy: they do it to everyone

 

gAyRABiTcH: Oh, okay.

gAyRABiTcH: It's Kogane.

 

shakiraismommy: that's all it took??? are you serious rn??? y u so easy???

 

gAyRABiTcH: How about you fucking stop?

 

shakiraismommy: and now ur bringing out the bad words

shakiraismommy: for shame for shame

 

gAyRABiTcH: I'm going to hell anyways so eh.

 

shakiraismommy: same

shakiraismommy: in fact i'm vip

 

gAyRABiTcH: Same.

 

shakiraismommy: ey yo demons it's me ya boi

 

gAyRABiTcH: No.

gAyRABiTcH: Stop your shit.

 

shakiraismommy: this is biphobia

 

gAyRABiTcH: No, it's Lancephobia.

 

shakiraismommy: u fear me?

 

gAyRABiTcH: No, I hate you.

 

shakiraismommy: well then

shakiraismommy: hateful AND hurtful 

shakiraismommy: but also low-key a call out and i appreciate that

 

gAyRABiTcH: More like honest.

 

shakiraismommy: how do u sleep at night?

 

gAyRABiTcH: Usually, with a lot of pills in my system, okay.

 

shakiraismommy: holy shit

 

gAyRABiTcH: I know.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shakiraismommy-Lance  
> gAyRaBiTcH-Keith  
> SpaceDad-Shiro  
> PrincessofAltea-Allura  
> StrongMoustacheGame-Coran  
> iammommy-Pidge  
> iamSun-Hunk

_**Friday August, 3** _ _**2017** _

 

shakiraismommy: okay u lil gremlin

shakiraismommy: his lst name is......KOGANE which i've been saying as "kagune" in my head cuz i'm trash

 

iammommy: ill brb

 

shakiraismommy: the betrayal

shakiraismommy: the auDACITY

 

iammommy: y doesnt he have a fb acc?

iammommy: he has a Insta but its private tell him to let me follow him

 

shakiraismommy: how unfortunate

shakiraismommy: and no i won't

 

iammommy: you knew didnt you?

 

shakiraismommy: idk maybe

 

iammommy: i hate you

 

shakiraismommy: sure sure

shakiraismommy: i loooove u

 

iammommy: honestly so useless

 

shakiraismommy: ikr

shakiraismommy: ur an asshole

 

iammommy: okay thats nice

 

shakiraismommy: yep

shakiraismommy: igtg talk to my hubby ttyl

 

iammommy: leave hunk alone

 

shakiraismommy: he loves me it's fine

 

iammommy: damnit lance

 

_**Friday** _ **_August,_ ** _**3** _ **_2017_ **

 

shakiraismommy: hunky wunky!!!!1

 

iamSun: Yes?

 

shakiraismommy: i love u ♡

 

iamSun: Aw, I love you too ♡

iamSun: What do you want?

 

shakiraismommy: to even insinuate that i, lancey lance, would ever profess my undying love for u with a hidden agenda is to insult my family and my cow

 

iamSun: Leave Kaltenecker out of this

 

shakiraismommy: don't udder her name!

shakiraismommy: those privileges have been revoked

 

iamSun: Puns? Really?

iamSun: What awful site did you go on this time?

 

shakiraismommy: u noe i'm butchering these cow puns

 

iamSun: Absolutely. I just want to know where you got them. 

iamSun: I've no beef with cow puns.

 

shakiraismommy: i didn't copy them exactly i used them as reference 

shakiraismommy: http://www.welovepuns.com/best-cow-puns/

 

iamSun: Why do you do this?

iamSun: I am not amoosed

 

shakiraismommy: is anyone else feeling deja-mooo???

 

iamSun: I pray some bovine intervention will miraculously save me from this udder hell

 

shakiraismommy: it seems u have been milked dry of resistance 

shakiraismommy: u could say i'm over the moon with joy

 

iamSun: I've been too lenient with you 

iamSun: That's why I'm being given this spoiled milk

 

shakiraismommy: well i can see that ur in a bad mooood

shakiraismommy: do u need some moooo-sic to lift ur spirits?

shakiraismommy: i recommend cow bells

 

iamSun: I can't with you right now

iamSun: You need to stop

 

shakiraismommy: how udderly disappointing

 

iamSun: Igtg, my moms need my help

iamSun: I'll ttyl love you

 

shakiraismommy: okay i'll ttyl

shakiraismommy: i love u too

 

_**Friday** _ **_August,_ ** _**3** _ **_2017_ **

 

shakiraismommy: ey yo how's my fav bitch doing?

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Why are you so mean to me? What did I ever do to you?

 

shakiraismommy: exist

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Will you please excuse me while I softly sob?

gAyRaBiTcH: Thanks.

 

shakiraismommy: y do i relate?

shakiraismommy: also u didn't answer my question

 

gAyRaBiTcH: You're sad inside.

gAyRaBiTcH: I'm thinking of committing murder. 

gAyRaBiTcH: How many teenagers can I kill before it's considered a massacre?

 

shakiraismommy: 3 or 4

shakiraismommy: if u do it ur looking at life

shakiraismommy: and now u have a witness

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Would you rat me out though? It's for a good cause.

 

shakiraismommy: and what is that?

 

gAyRaBiTcH: My state of mind.

 

shakiraismommy: 1st of all if ur thinking of murder ur state of mind is shit

shakiraismommy: 2nd of all that's not a good reason

 

gAyRaBiTcH: It wouldn't of been worth it anyway.

 

shakiraismommy: who were u planing on killing anyway?

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Iverson, my brother, Matt, and then myself.

 

shakiraismommy: may i ask why?

 

gAyRaBiTcH: You may.

 

shakiraismommy: why?

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I can't tell you.

 

shakiraismommy: bitch

shakiraismommy: i trusted u

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Why would you trust a potential serial killer?

 

shakiraismommy: idk apparently it was a mistake

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Damn right it was.

 

shakiraismommy: oh my god

 

gAyRaBiTcH: What?

 

shakiraismommy: when u finally snap

shakiraismommy: i'm going to be on the news

 

gAyRaBiTcH: You're shot at fame is closer than you think.

 

shakiraismommy: oh my god

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I hate 17 year olds.

 

shakiraismommy: um excuse me?

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Not you. You're the exception. 

gAyRaBiTcH: But only barely.

 

shakiraismommy: should i be worried?

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Unless you plan to cross me then no.

 

shakiraismommy: ah

shakiraismommy: "cross me"

shakiraismommy: i can't breathe

 

gAyRaBiTcH: It seems someone's beat me to it. Pity.

 

shakiraismommy: asswipe

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Hateful and hurtful.

 

shakiraismommy: stop it

 

gAyRaBiTcH: No.

 

shakiraismommy: u can never be me keef

shakiraismommy: i'm sorry

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Drat.

 

shakiraismommy: ur severely lacking the loverboy lance charm

 

gAyRaBiTcH: "Loverboy Lance."

gAyRaBiTcH: Who calls you that?

 

shakiraismommy: i do

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Ah, I see.

 

shakiraismommy: i'm pathetic ik

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Same.

gAyRaBiTcH: My brother just yelled at me to stop talking about my sexuality.

gAyRaBiTcH: "Everyone knows you're gay, Keith! And that's fine. We love you and support you! But can you stop talking about it for two seconds?"

gAyRaBiTcH: And all I could say was, "This is homophobia."

 

shakiraismommy: oh my god

shakiraismommy: yas work it bitch

 

gAyRaBiTcH: He's crying now.

 

shakiraismommy: that's sad

 

gAyRaBiTcH: He'll get over it.

 

shakiraismommy: sure

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Hi, my name is Keith. I'm 18 and I'm very gay.

 

shakiraismommy: hi my name is lance i'm 17 and i'm bi and ready to die

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I just choked.

 

shakiraismommy: on dick??

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Ugh, I wish.

gAyRaBiTcH: On my coke, it went up my nose.

gAyRaBiTcH: I'm in pain.

 

shakiraismommy: suffer

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I hate you so much.

 

shakiraismommy: i love u too :3 ♡♡♡

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I'm gay.

 

shakiraismommy: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

gAyRaBiTcH: This is homophobia.

 

shakiraismommy: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shakiraismommy-Lance  
> gAyRaBiTcH-Keith  
> SpaceDad-Shiro  
> PrincessofAltea-Allura  
> StrongMoustacheGame-Coran  
> iammommy-Pidge  
> iamSun-Hunk

_**Monday, August** _ _**28** _ _**2017** _

 

shakiraismommy: so i want to die

shakiraismommy: in a fire

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Why? What happened?

 

shakiraismommy: fuck wrong person

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I'm a little hurt but what's new?

gAyRaBiTcH: Why do you want to die?

 

shakiraismommy: no real reason

shakiraismommy: i just feel like shit

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I relate to you on a spiritual level.

 

shakiraismommy: ah yas bitch

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Let's be depressed together.

 

shakiraismommy: if we go down we go down together

shakiraismommy: we'll get away with everything let's show them we are better

 

gAyRaBiTcH: That is my jam!

 gAyRaBiTcH: Sometimes I can't breathe and I wonder why but then things like this happen.

 

shakiraismommy: i can never breathe i'm always wheezing

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I think you're just unhealthy and/or dying. Maybe you should go to the hospital.

 

shakiraismommy: lol no ain't nobody got time for that

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Lance.

gAyRaBiTcH: Stop it. Get some help.

 

shakiraismommy: stoP PLAYING WITH MY EMOTIONS

 

gAyRaBiTcH: What the fuck?

 

shakiraismommy: quit bringing memes into this relationship

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Ah. Why not? This relationship was built on memes.

 

shakiraismommy: fair point i'm just complaining to complain rn so (☞ ͡ ͡° ͜ ʖ ͡ ͡°)☞

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Sweet baby Jesus, why would you ever?

 

shakiraismommy: ¯\\_( ͠° ͟ʖ °͠ )_/¯

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I'm going to kill you.

 

shakiraismommy: pff sure

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I won't hesitate, bitch.

 

shakiraismommy: words fail

shakiraismommy: to express how happy and proud i am

 

gAyRaBiTcH: So you got what you always wanted so you got your dream come true good for you good for you, you, you 

 

shakiraismommy: gOTTA TASTE OF A LIFW SO PERFECT SO YOU DID WAHT YOU HAD TK DO GOOD FOR YOU GOOD FOR YOOOUUU

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I cry myself to sleep at night thinking of that musical.

gAyRaBiTcH: One song in particular haunts me.

 

shakiraismommy: in the bedroom down the hall haunts me as well

shakiraismommy: i did not expect to be so broken but i should've 

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I turned to Hamilton and BMC.

gAyRaBiTcH: It didn't help so I turned to Heathers and Wicked.

 

shakiraismommy: it worsened ur depression 

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Yes.

gAyRaBiTcH: Shiro asked me what I wanted to do with my life and I said, "Unimportant. There's a million things I haven't done, but just you wait. Just you...... wait."

gAyRaBiTcH: We cried together.

 

shakiraismommy: sibling bonding time

shakiraismommy: i relate my sisters angelia and rosa got me into hamilton and then suddenly i was in too deep

shakiraismommy: jay and julia will be corrupted next as will my neice and nephews leo, alicia, and james

shakiraismommy: then my older brother and sister talin and marcy

 

gAyRaBiTcH: You have a large family. That's six siblings, two nephews, and one niece? 

 

shakiraismommy: but wait there's more 

 

gAyRaBiTcH: There's more?

 

shakiraismommy: oh yeah mamá and papá wanted a big family and they got one my abuela loves it and so does my abuelo even though he denies it

shakiraismommy: anyway leo, alicia, and james are talins little demons and marcy is expecting twins so that's two more and rosa just got married a year ago and they're ready for kids now and angelia and her husband want to adopt

shakiraismommy: i just realized how big my family is holy shit we're like rabbits

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I like it when you talk about your family. 

 

shakiraismommy: why?

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I can tell you love them and you ramble. It's cute.

 

shakiraismommy: i'm cute???

shakiraismommy: keef are u..... gay?????

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Personality wise, yes. I don't know about your physical cuteness but I'm betting on hella hot.

gAyRaBiTcH: Yes, I am a homosexual.

 

shakiraismommy: awww that is the nicest thing anyone beside hunk and my family has ever said to me!!!!! Y u so nice?

shakiraismommy: ah yes i am a bisexual how do u do?

 

gAyRaBiTcH: God, Lance! Don't make it weird.

 

shakiraismommy: just two not straight dudes

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Why must you meme? Is it hard for you to be normal?

 

shakiraismommy: um eXCUSE

shakiraismommy: i did not come here to be attacked by my so called "friend"

shakiraismommy:  _(image.jpg)_

shakiraismommy: did u just? screenshot? my selfie??

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I'm gay and soft, leave me alone. (Also, I was right; you are hella hot.)

 

shakiraismommy: um i'm bi excuse u? (thank you)

 

gAyRaBiTcH:  _(image.jpg)_

gAyRaBiTcH: As you can see, I say "fuck off."

gAyRaBiTcH: YOU CAN'T JUDGE ME! YOU JUST TOOK A SCREENSHOT OF MINE!

 

shakiraismommy: i'm kinda shook tbh

shakiraismommy: 1st of all u are the prettiest person i have EVER seen like damn and 2nd

shakiraismommy: u used all caps??? are u perhaps screaming at me????

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Actually, no. I was too lazy to turn the caps off. And I'm pretty?

 

shakiraismommy: ugh me

shakiraismommy: yes u are despite the mullet

 

gAyRaBiTcH: What? It's not a mullet.

 

shakiraismommy: agree to disagree

shakiraismommy: anyway back to the familia subject what about u?

 

gAyRaBiTcH: What?

 

shakiraismommy: ur family what are they like?

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Oh. I don't have one. I wasn't adopted until I was 16 instead I was just bounced around foster homes.

 

shakiraismommy: oh my god keith i'm so sorry if i'd known i wouldn't have asked

 

gAyRaBiTcH: It's okay. I want to tell you.

 

shakiraismommy: oh

 

gAyRaBiTcH: That is, if you want to know.

 

shakiraismommy: oh yes go on

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Okay, good.

gAyRaBiTcH: Like I said I wasn't adopted until I was 16. When I turned 15 I was done. I ran away. I got my own place with money I'd saved up and I got a new job working at Shirogane's Garage and Auto Parts store.

 

shakiraismommy: is that where u met ur brother shiro?

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Sort of. It's his dad's shop and I got really close to the old man. He was like a grandfather to me and I went to his funeral when he died. I met Shiro there.

gAyRaBiTcH: I started going over to their house all the time, exchanging stories about his old man. The next thing I know is I'm living with them and they've signed adoption papers. I don't know how my life would've gone if I hadn't run away and met the old man.

 

shakiraismommy: i'm glad u did

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I am too.

 

**_Tuesday, August 29, 2017_ **

 

shakiraismommy:  _(image.jpg)_

shakiraismommy: halp

 

iamSun: Oh buddy

 

shakiraismommy: i'm fucked aren't i?

 

iamSun: Yeah

 

shakiraismommy: ik it

 

iamSun: Good luck

 

shakiraismommy: beTRAYED

 

iamSun: I love you ♡♡♡


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shakiraismommy-Lance  
> gAyRaBiTcH-Keith  
> SpaceDad/bigtoddies™-Shiro  
> PrincessofAltea-Allura  
> StrongMoustacheGame-Coran  
> iammommy-Pidge  
> iamSun-Hunk

**_Friday, September 1, 2017_ **

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Shiro.

gAyRaBiTcH: I may have made a mistake.

 

SpaceDad: What? What happened? What on God's green earth did you do?

SpaceDad: Did someone do something to you? Where are they? Tell them to @ me their location, I just want to talk.

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Whoa. Slow down there, Terminator.

 

SpaceDad: Keith. I will throw my arm at you.

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Stop that. It's traumatizing. I still remember the first time you did that.

 

SpaceDad: As you should. It was a lesson you needed to learn.

 

gAyRaBiTcH: SEMICOLONS AREN'T THAT IMPORTANT, SHIRO!

gAyRaBiTcH: Back to MY problems, back to me. Not you and your weird obsession with throwing your arm at me.

gAyRaBiTcH: I need your help.

 

SpaceDad: This is... concerning.

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Shut up, it's not bad. I didn't kill anyone.

gAyRaBiTcH: Yet.

 

SpaceDad: That's not very reassuring, Keith.

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I didn't ask for your opinion.

gAyRaBiTcH: Bitch.

 

SpaceDad: I'm telling mom.

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Have I ever told you that I love you?? Big bro??? Big toddies??????

 

_**gAyRaBiTcH** changed **SpaceDad** to **bigtoddies™.**_

 

bigtoddies™: Leave my chest alone. I am a thicc boi.

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I know this.

 

bigtoddies™: So, your problem?

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Oh. Yeah.

gAyRaBiTcH: That.

 

bigtoddies™: Tell me so I can get back to watching Project Runway.

 

gAyRaBiTcH: You watch these shows, but you dress like trash.

 

bigtoddies™: yOu DrEsS lIkE tRaSh

bigtoddies™:  _(image.jpg)_

bigtoddies™: When was the last time you washed this?

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I wash my clothes!

 

bigtoddies™: Sure.

bigtoddies™: Now. Your problem?

 

gAyRaBiTcH: You're going to make me tell you, aren't you?

 

bigtoddies™: You literally messaged me???

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Okay. Rude bitch.

gAyRaBiTcH: So.

 

bigtoddies™: It's about a guy, isn't it?

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I mean, you're not wrong.

 

bigtoddies™: How can I, a straight male, help?

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Listen to me rant.

 

bigtoddies™: The one thing I'm good at; listening.

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I'd argue that that's the one thing you're not good at.

 

bigtoddies™: @ me your location.

bigtoddies™: I just want to talk.

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I'm not going to fall for that again.

gAyRaBiTcH: While you slept, I studied the meme. And the blade.

 

bigtoddies™: Come at me.

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Bitch, you think I got a death wish?

 

bigtoddies™: Yes.

 

gAyRaBiTcH: You're right, but you're not supposed to say it.

 

bigtoddies™: Rant. At. Me.

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Fine, you rude whore.

gAyRaBiTcH: His name is Lance and I hate him.

 

bigtoddies™: I just spit out my green tea.

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I don't know much about him, except a few things.

 

bigtoddies™: Things like?

 

gAyRaBiTcH: That he loves memes, like an absurd amount. And that he has a cat named Blue. And that he has a big family and he loves them all. And that he's got the prettiest eyes I've ever seen. He's so damn attractive, Shiro. You don't understand. It's not fair. His skin is so fucking pretty, it makes me cry. His hair is also so fucking pretty. I can just imagine running my hands through it. Fuck. He's so pretty, he makes me cry. I'm gay.

gAyRaBiTcH:  _(image.jpg)_

 

bigtoddies™: Oh, I know him! He's Allura's friend. You know, Lance McClain? He was in a few of your classes last year, I think.

 

gAyRaBiTcH: What?

 

bigtoddies™: Yeah, I'm almost positive he was.

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Fuck.

 

**_Monday, September 4, 2017_ **

 

shakiraismommy: ey yo

shakiraismommy: so today was shit

shakiraismommy: i crashed the sim again and iverson yelled at me

shakiraismommy: it was awful

shakiraismommy: hello?

shakiraismommy: keef???

shakiraismommy: are u there? hewwo?

shakiraismommy: ik i'm probs being annoying but talking to u always makes me feel better so can u please answer me?

shakiraismommy: keith???

shakiraismommy: ig ur busy i'll ttyl

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shakiraismommy-Lance  
> gAyRaBiTcH-Keith  
> SpaceDad/bigtoddies™-Shiro  
> PrincessofAltea-Allura  
> StrongMoustacheGame-Coran  
> iammommy-Pidge  
> iamSun-Hunk

_**Thursday, September 7, 2017** _

 

shakiraismommy: keith pls man don't ignore me

shakiraismommy: did i do smth? are u mad at me??

shakiraismommy: tell me pls

shakiraismommy: keith?

shakiraismommy: please

shakiraismommy: i don't know what i did keith i don't know

shakiraismommy: i'm sorry

 

_**Thursday, September 7, 2017** _

 

shakiraismommy: hunk i don't know what to do

 

iamSun: What happened? Are you okay?

 

shakiraismommy: it's Keith he won't answer my messages 

shakiraismommy: and that's fine he's not obligated to talk to me or anything

shakiraismommy: it's just

shakiraismommy: i can't help but think he's ignoring me

 

iamSun: That's rough buddy 

iamSun: Did something happen between you two?

 

shakiraismommy: no this came out of nowhere

shakiraismommy: and if i did smth then he's not exactly planning on telling me

 

iamSun: Maybe you should drop him??

 

shakiraismommy: i can't 

shakiraismommy: i like him hunk as in like-like

shakiraismommy: he's all i can think about 

 

iamSun: Lance

 

shakiraismommy: it hurts hunk it hurts sm

shakiraismommy: can i come over?

 

iamSun: Of course

iamSun: I'll get the ice cream

 

shakiraismommy: thank

 

iamSun: Message me when you get here

iamSun: I love you ♡♡♡

 

shakiraismommy: i will 

shakiraismommy: love you too ♡♡♡

 

_**Thursday, September 7, 2017** _

 

shakiraismommy: Hey I'm Lance's friend Hunk and I have some words 

shakiraismommy: 1st of all what the fuck?? Whats wrong with you?? Do you think what you're doing is okay???

shakiraismommy: Because it's not it's fucked is what it is and you need to stop because you're hurting him

shakiraismommy: All he talks about is you about how nice you are and how much he like you and just

shakiraismommy: You're hurting him so much and the bad thing is that I think you know it

shakiraismommy: So again what the fuck???

shakiraismommy: Fix this

shakiraismommy: I know you've read this so you don't have any excuse 

 

_Delete Messages: Yes or No?_

_Messages Deleted._

 

_**Sunday, September 10, 2017** _

 

bigtoddies™: You can't ignore him forever, Keith.

bigtoddies™: Talk to him. Fix this. 

bigtoddies™: If you're not going to listen to me then fine, don't. I just hope you know what you're doing.

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I don't know what to do, Shiro.

 

bigtoddies™: Talk to him.

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I can't.

 

bigtoddies™: Keith.

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I can't. I just can't. 

 

bigtoddies™: You're hurting him, Keith.

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I know. I just. I don't know.

 

bigtoddies™: Talk. To. Him.

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Okay, I'll.. try.

 

bigtoddies™: Thank you.

 

**_Tuesday, September 12, 2017_ **

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Hey.

 

shakiraismommy: hey

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I'm sorry.

 

shakiraismommy: ik

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I'm so sorry, Lance. I hurt you so much and I'm such an asshole and I'm so sorry. 

 

shakiraismommy: it's okay just

shakiraismommy: don't do it again pls? 

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I won't.

gAyRaBiTcH: I promise.

 

shakiraismommy: then we're good

 

gAyRaBiTcH: We are?

 

shakiraismommy: i mean yeah?

shakiraismommy: idk what u were going through so i can't judge u

shakiraismommy: as long as u don't do it then we're good

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Thank you, Lance.

 

shakiraismommy: sure keith anytime 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shakiraismommy/disgrace-Lance  
> gAyRaBiTcH-Keith  
> SpaceDad/bigtoddies™/pusszie-Shiro  
> PrincessofAltea-Allura  
> StrongMoustacheGame-Coran  
> iammommy/hackervoice-Pidge  
> iamSun-Hunk  
> mattress-Matt

_**Friday, September 15, 2017** _

 

_**PrincessofAltea** added **SpaceDad.**_

_**PrincessofAltea** added **shakiraismommy.**_

_shakiraismommy named the group **beautiful bitches or B**_ _**Bs** _

 

shakiraismommy: hewwo?

shakiraismommy: why did u make this gc awwura?

 

_**PrincessofAltea** _ _changed **shakiraismommy**_ _to **disgrace.**_

 

disgrace: oKAY 1ST OF ALL HOW DARE???

disgrace: I COME HERE TO HAVE A GOOD TIME AND HONESTLY I FEEL SO ATTACKED RN

 

PrincessofAltea: Perish.

 

SpaceDad: Hey, now. Can't we all just get along?

 

disgrace: u Lizzie McGuire ass bitch

 

**_disgrace_ ** _changed **SpaceDad** to  **pusszie**_

 

pusszie: Why have you done this?

 

disgrace: cause u think ur funny

 

pusszie: Whatever.

pusszie: On all levels, except physical, I am a pusszie.

 

disgrace: ur not upset enough about this and i want to be offended but i am only impressed

disgrace: daddy

 

pusszie: No. Stop this.

 

**_PrincessofAltea_ ** _changed **pusszie** to  **Daddy.**_

 

PrincessofAltea: Daddy.

 

**_Daddy_ ** _changed **Daddy** to  **pusszie.**_

 

pusszie: ON ALL LEVELS, EXCEPT PHYSICAL, I AM A PUSSZIE.

 

disgrace: on all levels except physical  i am a disgrace

 

PrincessOfAltea: On All Levels, Except Physical, I Am A Princess.

 

pusszie: Hello, Kanaya, from Homestuck.

 

disgrace: ( ͡ಠ ʖ̯ ͡ಠ) do not remind me of homestuck u old bitch

 

PrincessOfAltea: (งòДó)ง

 

disgrace: (ಥ ͜ʖಥ)

 

pusszie: (￣ᨎ￣)

 

disgrace: so what is this gc for? unless its for the tea

 

pusszie: Is it for the tea???

 

PrincessOfAltea: No.

PrincessOfAltea: Ever since I went to live with my uncle, we haven't spoken much. I don't know what's happening in your lives. If you're sad, happy, or things like that. 

PrincessOfAltea: And since you two don't seem to be capable of giving me the tea on a regular basis, I am here to force your hand.

 

disgrace: [fuckboi voice] sweet

 

pusszie: I don't know who you're calling out, but it better not be me.

pusszie: Bitch.

 

PrincessOfAltea: First of all, rude.

PrincessOfAltea: Second of all, is that any way to treat your best friend?

 

pusszie: You're not Matt, are you?

 

PrincessOfAltea: Unfriended. Unfollowed. Blocked.

 

pusszie: Wait... I wuve you, Awwura. ᕳ`ᴥ`ᕲ

 

**_PrincessOfAltea_ ** _left the group._

 

disgrace: damn bitch u just got rejected

 

pusszie: Will... I ever... find... love?

 

disgrace: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEXWRTEbj1I>

 

pusszie: This better be a Rickroll.

 

disgrace: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

pusszie: Ya sonuvabitch.

 

disgrace: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**_pusszie_ ** _added **PrincessOfAltea** to the group._

 

pusszie: If I have to suffer, so do you.

 

PrincessOfAltea: [I thought you wuved me???](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEXWRTEbj1I)

 

pusszie: Suddenly, I don't even know who you are, I don't know.

 

disgrace: extra ass bitch

 

pusszie: No one asked you, Lance.

 

disgrace: no one ever does

 

PrincessOfAltea: Lance!

 

disgrace: i'm sad

 

pusszie: We know, Lance.

 

PrincessOfAltea: [This might brighten your day.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oadf4KNYz-I)

 

disgrace: wtf allura??? what is this shit???

 

PrincessOfAltea: I thought it might make you happy.

 

disgrace: i want death

 

pusszie: I'm sending this to my brother.

 

disgrace: why?? do you want him to kill himself?

 

pusszie: Oh, he might actually enjoy it. He... likes knives.

 

disgrace: that's the most cryptic ass shit u have ever said to me shiro

 

**_pusszie_ ** _left the group._

 

disgrace: wtf? guess we'll just die then

 

PrincessOfAltea: Not me, bitch. I'm safe af.

 

disgrace: ur one of my best friends if i'm dying ur dying with me

 

PrincessOfAltea: Who says I'm your friend?

 

disgrace: suddenly i must go

 

_**Friday, September 15, 2017** _

 

bigtoddies™: [Knife](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oadf4KNYz-I).

 

gAyRaBiTcH: WHAT THE FUCK?

gAyRaBiTcH: I'M MAKING ONE.

 

bigtoddies™: Is that a threat???

bigtoddies™: Keith? 

bigtoddies™: Brother that I love?

bigtoddies™: Please?

 

gAyRaBiTcH: You will perish.

 

bigtoddies™: Oh.

 

_**Friday, September 15, 2017** _

 

iammommy: hey lance guess what?

 

shakiraismommy: is this a pidgeon?

 

iammommy: stop get some help

 

shakiraismommy: i don't need a therapist i don't know what ur implying

 

iammommy: i didnt say anything about that

iammommy: now guess u stupid whore

 

shakiraismommy: don't call me out

shakiraismommy: u have tea???

shakiraismommy: that's my guess

 

iammommy: ur not wrong

iammommy: my brothers back from studying abroad

 

shakiraismommy: that's great!!!

shakiraismommy: did he bring anything back for us? wink wink

 

**_iammommy_ ** _added **mattress.**_

 

iammommy: ask him urself

 

**_mattress_ ** _changed **iammommy** to **hackervoice.**_

__

****mattress: sorry as your elder brother your past username caused me great distress

 

hackervoice: y r u so afraid of the truth?

 

shakiraismommy: did you bring us things?

 

mattress: only my love and affection

 

shakiraismommy: blocked

 

mattress: hurt

 

hackervoice: perish

 

mattress: ...

 

hackervoice: omg hes fuckin dead

 

shakiraismommy: u n f o r t u n a t e

 

mattress: wow i see i am loved here

 

shakiraismommy: p e r i s h

 

mattress: guess i'll eat these macaroons myself

 

shakiraismommy: OH WORM

 

hackervoice: weak

 

mattress: i take it you don't want any?

 

hackervoice: bring me some or perish mortal

 

mattress: i have seen god and i am disappointed

 

shakiraismommy: aren't we all?

 

hackervoce: yes

 

_**Friday, September 15, 2017** _

 

gAyRaBiTcH: [CHECK IT.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oadf4KNYz-I)

 

shakiraismommy: why.

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I made one.

gAyRaBiTcH:  _(image.jpg)_

 

shakiraismommy: hO mY gOoOd

 

gAyRaBiTcH: What?

 

shakiraismommy: i can't believe u have done this

 

gAyRaBiTcH: My brother sent it to me.

gAyRaBiTcH: I'm going to his room.

gAyRaBiTcH: Fuck. His door is locked.

 

shakiraismommy: obv it should be shit

 

gAyRaBiTcH: He knows it's his time.

 

shakiraismommy: wtf keith?

 

gAyRaBiTcH: It's fucking payback for how many times he's thrown his fucking arm at me.

 

shakiraismommy: he throws his arm at u???

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Yes.

 

shakiraismommy: what kind of fuckery?

 

gAyRaBiTcH: The scarring kind.

 

shakiraismommy: keith are u okay?

 

gAyRaBiTcH: No, but that's unrelated.

 

shakiraismommy: hmm i see

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Leave my gay ass alone.

 

shakiraismommy: hhhhhhhhhhh

 

_**Friday, September 15, 2017** _

 

SpaceDad: HELP MY FUCKING BROTHER SI TRYING TO KILL NME

 

shakiraismommy: oh worm?

 

SpaceDad: LANCE HE PICKED THE FUCKING LOCK

 

shakiraismommy: oh

shakiraismommy: worm?

 

SpaceDad: LANCE THIS IS SEROUS I AM ABOUT TO DIE

 

shakiraismommy: sure jan

 

SpaceDad: MY BROTHER IS OUT HERE TRYING TO KILL ME WITH A JELLO KNIFE AND YOURE MEMEIMG

 

shakiraismommy: wait a minute

shakiraismommy: is ur brothers name keith?

 

SpaceDad: GOOD FOR YOU FUGURING OUT A MYSTERY WHILST I PERISH

 

shakiraismommy: so he is?

 

SpaceDad: FUCKINGYES 

SpaceDad: NOW CLL YOURE BOY TOU OFF

 

_**shakiraismommy** took a screenshot._

 

_**Friday, September 15, 2017** _

 

shakiraismommy: so u noe how to pick locks?

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Who told you that?

 

shakiraismommy: allow shiro to continue his living

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I wasn't planning on killing him, but okay.

 

shakiraismommy: sure jan

 

gAyRaBiTcH: Wait. You know my brother?

 

shakiraismommy: maybe so

 

gAyRaBiTcH: I'll take that as a yes. 

gAyRaBiTcH: Now, if you'll excuse me, I must go.

 

shakiraismommy: letshirolive2k17

 

**Author's Note:**

> *The Front Bottoms


End file.
